he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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