i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
