well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
