May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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