I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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