I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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