had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
