its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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