if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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