the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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