then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
