paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
