At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
