Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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