Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
