You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
