Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think my vagina is haunted
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
