I skipped work to stalk him.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
