WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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