Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
