ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
