I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
