I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
