i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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