So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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