who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
