I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
