I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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