She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
