Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
