I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
