The maid of honor just puked.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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