I wish my penis had an off switch
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
