I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
