'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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