Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
