hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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