Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
ok first of all what the fuck
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
