i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
