I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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