I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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