I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
