it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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