please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
