Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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