yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
