OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
