I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
