He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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