At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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