this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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